Do you know what I've been thinking about a lot lately?
My flaws. About all the way's am a fuck up. (Yeah, swearing a lot is one of them for some people. It's not for me.)
Now before the self-help author in you jumps out, listen to what I have to say. My whole life I have been either running away from my failings, been ashamed of them or fighting them in a war that's been mostly lots of lost battles on both sides. Lately, as I started to feel a bit more secure with myself and what/who I am, they stopped looking so scary. All of a sudden the fact I am very imperfect (imagine!) and those particular imperfections started to feel…well, like it is not the end of the world.
I have realized, and survived might I add, that I easily become smug and complacent, that I tend to stay in any state as long as it's comfortable, that I DO have a narcissistic side, that until recently I have played victim for most of my life (and still occasionally indulge in it), I am greedy, I lack both patience and compassion in all things I myself haven't encountered (or have, but long time ago). Also I look at most things as all or nothing (mostly nothing) and have a defeatist attitude on everything that is not a sure win (and most things aren't). I wait for things to come to me (as they should, my inner narcissus tells me so) and will make a first step only when there is NO other option (and this is rarely, as you can always run away)… God when I list it like this, I am surprised I ever achieved anything.
Never the less, this is so and it's not even the full list, and you know what I am mostly okay with it. Not in a fuck it-no-point-in-changing-now way, but in a am-working-on-it-but-it-might-take-some-time way.
My flaws. About all the way's am a fuck up. (Yeah, swearing a lot is one of them for some people. It's not for me.)
Now before the self-help author in you jumps out, listen to what I have to say. My whole life I have been either running away from my failings, been ashamed of them or fighting them in a war that's been mostly lots of lost battles on both sides. Lately, as I started to feel a bit more secure with myself and what/who I am, they stopped looking so scary. All of a sudden the fact I am very imperfect (imagine!) and those particular imperfections started to feel…well, like it is not the end of the world.
I have realized, and survived might I add, that I easily become smug and complacent, that I tend to stay in any state as long as it's comfortable, that I DO have a narcissistic side, that until recently I have played victim for most of my life (and still occasionally indulge in it), I am greedy, I lack both patience and compassion in all things I myself haven't encountered (or have, but long time ago). Also I look at most things as all or nothing (mostly nothing) and have a defeatist attitude on everything that is not a sure win (and most things aren't). I wait for things to come to me (as they should, my inner narcissus tells me so) and will make a first step only when there is NO other option (and this is rarely, as you can always run away)… God when I list it like this, I am surprised I ever achieved anything.
Never the less, this is so and it's not even the full list, and you know what I am mostly okay with it. Not in a fuck it-no-point-in-changing-now way, but in a am-working-on-it-but-it-might-take-some-time way.
