Youth in revolt

First of all, whenever you feel there is a need for an intervention about my love for fifties looks, feel free... I know I might be overdoing it a bit but it gives me such a warm feeling inside. Maybe am just having Mad Man withdrawal symptoms, who knows.
But today was a very interesting day: am trying on a new life perspective. It is about how all life experiences are equally important, hard ones and pleasant ones, and how you can't discriminate against the hard ones because they are also a part of you and what makes you... well you.
So when I was faced with a situation today that usually sends me spiraling into anxiety (my disorder of choice) I just taught " No this is great, I love all of this" and just skipped the part when I fall into that anxiety hole and simply went on as before. I know it sounds strange but, there is some strange thrill in enjoying it, like a rebellion or something.
Anyway that was today. How was your day/night/week?

All the pretty things

Tonight I just sat at my desk, started drawing and this is what came out. There is a theory in art history that most painters painted Adam and Eve and all the Greek mythology just as an excuse to paint naked women (I guess it was men for some of them). Same way I think i love fashion just because it allows me to look at beautiful thing all day long. Same reason I draw beautiful women: to create even more beauty. Not the worst of life motivations, but not the greatest either, ha? 
Well in each case, while I ponder incessantly on the subject, here is a beautiful image for you to look at.

I have been mistaken

Am obsessed with mistakes. Not just in drawing but in life as well. Guilt is my hobby. Self deprecation about lines that go wrong is my go to feeling. Oh, not to even mention the low self esteem I get from not being able to draw a portrait without putting it on paper in pen first ( oh, for the day I'll be able to just take a brush and draw straight to paper without taking a wrong turn!).
Avoiding mistakes is my number one excuse for not being... whatever being is.
The thing is, it's not like I believe only in completely realistic art (actually hiperrealisam and directions like this are rarely very good art... mostly just interesting) so this is not a reason I have trouble tolerating mistakes in art. In life I find that people who do everything by the book are possibly the most boring individuals you could encounter.
But as am moving along my timeline, am starting to think that mistakes don't exist. I realize that this a strange concept, but really, this is the conclusion I am coming too. So many times I have seen my drawings, which were branded as mistakesat the time of making and survived purely by accident or the mercy of my mother (she is the Schindler of art to my Nazi self) after a while, and realized they are good.
And in life mistakes turn out to be pretty relative term: it is always a point of view that brands something as a mistake.
So in the celebration of wonderful "mistakes" I give you three of mine from today.

Speed (up)date

How was it you might ask?
Let me tell you just how it was. It was FANTASTIC.
No, really so much fun. I would recommend this to everyone.
So in the end there was that friend of mine, and another friend as well (when she heard I was going it was like: I GOTTA see this! and am like: So.. you wanna come then? )
So there was no one whose contact details I would like (host and his friend were the best looking ones) but they weren't all bad. Some of them would be just OK for someone.
But the rest... Oh my... There was one guy that came with a card with questions. The best thing is I think that it wasn't even written on a computer but on a typewriter. And, AND, I could swear that card had an id number. Then there was this farmer guy who grows vegetables in greenhouses. He told to one of my girls:
- I've been on a TV about it, maybe you've seen it? 
-When wast it on?- she innocently asked. 
- About five years ago- he answers, dead serious.
I tell you, so much fun. Then off course we had a guy who wants to get married and have children, like, yesterday and the first sentence he asks is what are your plans regarding that (you can imagine my answer! It is so far along the road that I can't consider anything in that department a plan. Maybe an idea or a possibility maybe...).
Afterwards we went for beer and Ĩevapi (kind of great fast food made from minced meat we like to eat around here) and had such a laugh that there were tears (laughter ones). Ahhhh... the good days.

Drawing exercises

Here are some sketches I did earlier, a bit of watercolor practise. Nothing revolutionary, just a bit of exercises in volume, light and tone. Images are from the September issue of Vogue. First one is a portrait from the editorial, and second Natalia Vodianova in Louis Vuitton campaign.
I wasn't going for artistic interpretation or expression, just wanted to work on my skills, but I do like how they look. What I love about watercolors is that they make everything look dreamy... But most of all I love how hard it is to control it. It is almost impossible, but that is why you work with them: it's like you and chance are working together. 
Almost like life, don't you think? 

Nu(d)e trends

Hello lovelies... am all chipper this evening, God knows why (It wouldn't have anything to do with a glass of wine next to the computer!).
As you can guess from this little intro, am so not in working mood today. Of any kind. I know its only tuesday and all, but just not into work. Back at it tmrw!
For now here is a little sketch I did this weakend. Didn't mean to use it, but here we are!(smiley face) I do like that it has two trends I love: nude and cabin wear. Am off now... will try to do something fun! :-)

How you doin?

As you might or might not know, am single... and have been for a while. Sure there is the occasional boy, but no love in the air.
Now am not the kinda person who is gonna invest in this area of her life. For one, it can be counterproductive, and number two, I always believed that this is something that takes care of itself. So far so good, right?
But it seems no... or maybe yes, but not in a time frame I am comfortable with.
So this morning my friend calls me and says:
- What are you doing Thursday evening?
- Probably working, why?
- Do you wanna go to a speed date event?
- You bet ya!
Hence the cheeky grin in the illustration. I have never been to one of these, but I am quite good with first impressions. Am all chatty, humorous, flirting cutie *. It's later, when feelings develop, that I start... how shall i put it...messing up.
So this Friday, stand by for a cute lil post on how my first speed dating event went.

* this is off course all in the case I do not fancy someone. If I do opposite ensues: am all trying too hard to be funny, over giggling mess.

Every day is the best day of your life!

Am not trying to be ironic or self help affirmative. This is a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Now, I am actually bringing it up as I started to think it is an interesting concept. There is a similar idea in zen so I have ran into this before, but have quickly discarded it as " Yeah, yeah, sure it is... All days except some"...
But when I read it the other day it kinda made me think. First thing everyone is gonna say is what about people caught in a tsunami, or people living in war conditions or in Haiti. I can't (and won't) convince anyone of this as I feel it is one of those things you can't explain, especially as I am still struggling with it, but I do feel there is an actual truth to it. I don't know why this rings true all of a sudden, as I myself have a dozens of examples of days that can't be considered the best... Maybe it is because of the time thing: as there is only present, there is no past and future to compare the day with (both past and future exist only as ideas)... I could go on like this but I don't wanna ruin the best day of your life!
Anyway here is something to ponder on, and a pretty picture to look at while you are doing so!

I can finally show u Emma now

I have just spent friggin ages trying to install my new scanner, but lo and behold, it is finally half-done (still need to get the right software to get good images, hence the cramped composition here). To celebrate I have scanned a portrait I did recently.
You all know am not into drawing celebrities and stuff, but Mario Testino's portraits of Emma Watson in the latest Vogue, I have to say, are very beautiful. Classy but modern: they draw on her features and short hair to get the sixties vibe making her seem fresh and free and independent.
I liked the the interview as well, she seemed as healthy as one could expect
So here is my rendition of one of the pics, hope you like it as much as I do. Portraits are not yet my strong point, so I was really happy that I succeeded to capture her likeness even though every little detail wasn't drawn.

Child woman

Well once again I was planning for a different post. Actually this time for a different drawing. When I started this afternoon, the girl was wearing a sweater. But I think the point is the same: Child woman. I have a feeling many girls my age are like this. I know it sounds like am projecting, but this is actually based upon response I had to some other posts on this blog ( like this and this).
Not ti disappoint you, but I have nothing smart to say on the subject. All I offer you is a lovely image of a girl in Agent Provocateur.

Tonight am not gonna try to be better

Today I just wanted to do whatever. And do it just because!
I had a post or two planned, drawings done and all, but... I realise I constantly do things I think am suppose to do or trying to be something I think would be "smart" to be. So today's drawing has no point no message no nothing... I did it just because.
This is in no way a new occurrence. I have been going through the phases of this since I can remember. There was always a better version I was aiming for, making the actual one just not good enough. And even though I would like to say no more, I know this is probably not an option. Enlightenment has eluded me in this area. This is just a bit of rebellion against the constraints I have set for myself.
But no really, will I ever learn? How long is this gonna go for? Does anyone else struggle with this? Or better yet does Tom Ford struggles with this? Is there anyone ( not counting you Dalai Lama) who is just themselves and content with it? Not resigned on improving him/ herself or life in general, but just not trying to be someone else?
I think this is why I love people who seem to be unapologetically themselves, weather it's well accepted or not, or weather it is considered excellent or not.

Cheap candy

I used to have this friend with whom I shared love of cheap candy. We would go to the 99p store and raid their Pick'n'Mix. The sparkliest and flashiest the color, the more we loved it. Afterwards was pretty much your average hangover. Achy head, sugar poisoning, guilt... But while we were doing it... It was like surfing on cotton candy and rainbows.
Not sure why am I telling you this as what I wanted to talk about is basically how I have this weakness for all kind of trashy things. TV, girls, clothes, food... And am not into it in that conceptual Andy Warhol way. Just your average pink sparkly 99p store kinda trash. It amuses me. I forget reality through it. Honestly I still didn't go all Freud on it as I don't wanna ruin it, but it does surprises me every once in a while.
Just so you know, my latest "cheap candy crush" is The only way is Essex.... I watch it and everything looks so simple all of a sudden. I'll stop right here cause if I overthink it, am gonna ruin everything and than am going to have to find another hobby!

P.S. Just for the record I could not, for the life of me, get into Real Housewifes of anything. Shame I know! ;-)

Artist's way

As I mentioned yesterday, I did some sketches last night. They are far from perfect, but they felt very liberating.
The other day in comments, Siubhan mentioned that a drawing was not my usual style and this kind of got me thinking.Here is the thing....
Never in my life have I drawn this much (except while I was living in London, and that was another kind of drawing).
As most people, I always thought that it was smart to be practical so I decided to study graphic design thinking I can switch later to illustration. From time to time I had periods when I would do some drawing, but this was once or twice a year for a week or two. Off course in uni I started working and it was always easy to get a job as a graphic designer. And life kinda rolled on. I would return to drawing every once in a while, like to an old lover... Only when I moved to London did I realize I don't want to waste anymore time and that fashion illustration is all I wanna do (and all I ever wanted to do!). So I drew and I drew... but pesky little thing called life kept interfering. Except for the few jobs and some gallery sales I couldn't really make a living out of it and do it full time. So once again I wasn't drawing. But this time I knew what I wanted and no such thing as recession was gonna keep me down.
So now I still work as a graphic designer but have this blog to draw and be my school and a place where I get to express all those images that go through my head every day.
But all this has resulted in me not having a definite style of my own. Sure there are some indications, but am still far from it and I find this so exciting.
You are basically watching an artist in the making! Am guessing you are going to see a lot of "WTF"s and some "cool"s and "oh so pretty"s but I can promise you fun and a lot of pink and shoes!
P.S. Sorry for a bad quality: am in the process of getting a scanner and I gave my camera to dad as he is in into it now. Am doing all this with my faithfull I phone!

Life in heels

To be honest, I was planning for a completely different post, but my god was it not comin out of me. I did some great sketching which am going to show you one of these days, but this drawing is a thought that passed through my head today. Not a lot of explaining, i think everyone knows what I mean by it... But what I love about it is that the thought came into my head together with this image. This exact pose! I don't have anyone to model for me this late at night and I couldn't find it anywhere so I had to construct how it would look from my head (hence some mistakes). I am still wondering why did this particular pose come to my head? Can you see the symbolism that I can't?

What a day

Just to let you know right a way, today the drawing has nothing to do with the post. This is just something I did and I kinda like it... It has potential.
But oh my, what a day I had. Last night I had a fight with a friend about the stupidest thing (Try to remember the fights you had when you were 10 or 11. That stupid!), I barely managed to wake up in the morning and than had a really bad day at work (and probably will have tomorrow as well). All this triggered an anxiety attack and now am sitting here with a new pair of shoes and stuffing my face with satsumas... Bit funny, isn't it? On the other hand shoes were half off and they have a heel. Am proud of myself, specially cause they had great Nike Dunk's for small money and they are my special weakness.
Am gonna make an illustration with my new shoes one of these days, but now I am off to do some drawing.

Draw me overwhelmed

Today I felt overwhelmed.
Not in a bad way... It's just that I feel that there is so much I need to do, have to do and, most of all, want to do.
I have been working all day, first my work than blog work than drawing. But all I want to do is draw.
The more I draw, more I want to draw. I feel a constant need, almost greed, to be better and better at drawing and I feel there is no time for everything. Whatever I do, I feel it is just the bare minimum.
I mean, I know this is all crap, and bla bla, and don't even mention being in the moment (I know Way of zen by heart).
It is just that this wanting overwhelms me, makes me anxious and I don't like it. I know from before that when I become like this I burn out very soon. Most of all I know my needs at the moment are very escapist and just repeating karma, which is always redundant.
Well, let's see what tomorrow brings.

Coffee culture(d)

As you might know, I live in a country that has a strong coffee culture. This means people like to sit and have coffee with their friends, if possible during working hours. If the sun is out, never mind if its Wednesday morning, every coffee place in every urban settlement will be full. This is the rule!
But, as much as I would like to deny it, I am a product of my surroundings, and I do like me some coffee lounging in the sun. But I like it best when I don't have time to do it and then come Saturday morning, am all excited and cant wait. Get the papers, buy a bagel and sit somewhere on a terrace.
I am not sure why but this is much better than if it was Tuesday or Wednesday... Even if you don't have  to go to work afterwards. There is something to Saturday morning coffee... though I was always partial to rituals, but about this on another occasion.
And oh yeah, am writing this cause I didn't get to have mine yesterday due to some unforeseen circumstances and now basically have to wait for another week. But am thinking this is gonna make it more fun!!!
P.S. Also a big Like for my sister for posing for me for this drawing.

Does Lanvin hearts H&M?

I don't have rave reviews and squealing for this, but it definitely doesn't suck. I mean H&M usually does decent clothes, Lanvin is Lanvin, it cant be bad right?
Some things I like, some am not so thrilled about (there are certain fashion styles that should be done only in exquisite ( read expensive) cutting and fabric... but still I like that they are pushing the boundaries a little.
I loved these two dresses in the collection (Not just them, but didn't have time to do more drawings) and drew them Maya's way. Hope you like it.

P.S. I love the fifties trend and think its great you can get a dress like this on the high street!!! It would be so great to see more girls dressed like this.

I love how a drink with the girls cures everything.

Yesterday I finished work at 6 o' clock (that's 8-6 if you wonder). Almost got run over by a car on the way home for the lack of street lights (faithful I phone saved me). Home pure drama and depression... atmosphere was like in a  Bergman film. Was not in the mood!
I called a friend, she called her friend and three of us went for drinks. Aaaaaah... that's better!
Few vodka blueberries later and "No, did she really do that!!!!" and " He is cute as a button" and all was forgotten...
I tell you this is the best cure ever... it's there somewhere with a movie night and cuddling, morning sex, new hair and new shoes (these last two not together: It is only in rare and troublesome times that you use this in conjunction. It's like a double dose of antibiotics!!!!)

Anyways today am happy and so cool.

I love fall when its gold...

Did you already buy this years coat?
I've been mostly fantasy shopping: this time not for the lack of money but for the lack of choice.
Here, at the end of the world (as one might assume), there is no decent shops.
There is a shop... not my cup of tea. I would rather stay home all winter than buy something there (oh, listen to the elitist me!)
The problem this year is that I don't have any idea what would I like. There is no distinct style am into. Usually am all: " Oh, I GOTTA have a red coat bla bla..." or " Am totally into military!"... But this year, nada. Am aware there are certain style directions out there, but no preference yet.
I drew this girl and I liked it just cause she looks so cosy and chic at the same time. I suppose this is what I want from a coat... or most people for that matter.

Weekend sketches or I don't have a life... AGAIN

So... it turns out if you run away to the edge of the world and just work and draw, you get to not having life. Well this mission has been successfully accomplished! Ka ching!!!!
Nothing to do with the drawings, this is just some of the things I made this weekend. Don't you just love Dolce&Gabanna girls in leopard print and polka dots!
Anyways... Back to me not having a life. This seems to be a reoccurring theme. Problem is I can't seem to focus on something AND have a lovely (social) life. It's always one or the other with me. I just become blind to everything else. This happens when am in a relationship too (guy usually thinks it's him, but it's not. It's just me being retarded). And it's fucked up if you ask me.
Does it always have to be either/ or... could I please have both?